4Game

(an edit of a post on the front page of the EFT subreddit – https://old.reddit.com/r/EscapefromTarkov/comments/ew8fxs/attention_all_rats/)

Yes, you, you strong, fearless, giant-testicled excuse of a soldier. Are you tired of rats stealing your kill loot? Tired of being killed by a Mosin head shot when trying to loot? Well shut the fuck up and listen because I have a solution for you.

You see, when a Chad like you kills, it’s because you follow the rules of Chadhood. These rules are so fucking simple that even a ripped, big-brained killing machine like you should understand them. But somehow you must’ve forgotten them. Again. Fear not, however, for I am here to educate you wannabe Chads.

If you want to be a Chad, you need to follow these 3 simple rules:

• Be fearless. Rats are consumed with fear hence their hiding in the shadows and only playing on scavs every 15 minutes. Their stash glitters and glistens but we know it's completely useless in their hands.

• Stay bloodthirsty. This means every single hatchling gets a painful and remorseless death. This includes player scavs. NO MERCY.

• Be aggressive. When you hear that rat scurrying around scooping up nuts and bolts and cans of sardines, show him that everything the light touches, is yours.

If you want to rack up a laughable KD, full of run throughs and 8 minute average lifespans, by all means be a rat. But if you want to turn everything in your path to cinders — not that campfire shit, but REAL cinders — and ASH, then the Chad life is for you. Us Chads have full stashes and enough cash for blow AND strippers.

For those that laugh at the idea of being a Chad: PLEASE be a rat. PLEASE continue being a spineless, weak-leg buckling, trembling in the shadows coward. We true Chads need more bodies to fill with bullets when we catch you crawling out of your holes.

Thank you for listening to my Chad talk.