4Game

Very excited to eventually join my friend in the world of Valheim after he has been asking me for 2 years, xbox game pass seemed to be the answer.

Downloaded, installed, clicked the disclaimer about this been a preview version. I then landed in Valheim after being offloaded like a turd from on-high by a Valkyrie's ass.

This game is SOOOO BAAADDD on console. You have to collect dandelions, small stones, berries…all of them splitting into micro pellets with your micro reticule making this the most painstaking exercise in frustration, eventually realising the best way to work with this micro reticule is to swing your camera to a top down view to collect the materials…whilst being attacked by creatures from the side who obviously don't appear on your screen since you viewing everything from the top.

Think that's bad, trying lining up your building micro reticule with the top edge of a wall which is .2 mm thick…good luck with that. Fallout 76 was a pure joy compared to this latrine hole.

It gets even better….how about quick swopping between implements or weapons, you busy crafting or out hoeing and you get attacked, no problem, just take your hand off your stick and click right or left on the pad and you good to go….ooops…no you not, you first have to confirm the selection yet again with the pad up button. Obvious the attacking creature is waiting for you to perform these actions whilst you stand immobile for 10 seconds making the 3-4 button selections to get your weapon out…BRILLIANT design!!

Ok….perhaps with some game play you could become proficient with the above issues, Odin obviously realised this and decided to coat his warriors with one final load of excrement……here you go….take multiple game crashes and hours of lost time with corrupted save points.

Yes, in my first five hour sesssion, I had 3 glitches which literally resulted in my screen freezing for 5 minutes at a time and one crash when sleeping which resulted in 2 hours of game play loss, this even after I saw it constantly doing auto saves every few minutes.

Scotty, please beam me up, out of this steam pile of Norse manure…and quickly!!!