I don’t like playing with my friends because I feel like a dead weight on the team

I'm not great at this game to say the least. Consistently silver 3, never going up sometimes going back down.

When I first found out my friends loved Apex, I was so excited to play with them as a squad. Now they're not diamond or anything too crazy but almost all of them are high gold or low platinum.

So we play, and we lose. Again and again we lose. I haven't won a game since release week, and it shows. Consistently and persistently we never make it past the 2nd ring. I'm used to this myself, but my friends get visibly frustrated by the constant string of losses. They don't blame me, and if they do they're kind enough not to express it. But I can tell that they're not enjoying themselves very much.

So after the dust settles and we go our seperate ways, I always feel a little bad knowing that I couldn't really do much to help them. More often than not, I'll be the one choking, making the wrong decision at that time, forgetting to drop doc drone, or just straight up missing every shot of an entire spitfire magazine.

Because of this, I feel reluctant to play with them anymore. I'm always afraid and a little ashamed that I can't really be an effective pillar of our team.

I then tried to play on my own with randoms as a part of my squad, but it's not the same. In fact, they're just openly toxic towards my (honestly not the best) playstyle. I leave games feeling none of the satisfaction that I would have playing with my friends.

I dunno what to do.