Conflict management is a bigger part of being a positive player than not flaming

This is coming from the perspective of someone who grew up playing this game and inevitably toxic in the process of maturing into an adult. I've come to try and keep my ingame chat usage minimal because I think communication is pretty overrated in the context of pub games. I try to keep my chatting limited to either pointing out critical info ("storm spirit dd rune top") or a non-aggressive suggestions that I try to keep as neutral as possible. I might engage in light banter if someone else initiates, but generally I think talking too much is one of the most toxic habits some people have in Dota. I don't always live up to these goals, but they're what I try to do.

I've noticed that a lot of the time when people flame me, if I just say "sorry" and maybe a bit of elaboration, 90% of the time people will completely move on. Even if you stay silent, there's still a decent chance they'll move on or at least won't go off the rails. You can mute if they won't.

But a lot of people will engage with the toxicity because they feel wronged socially and escalate the situation. This escalation is what makes it genuinely impossible for anyone on the team to play good Dota when it happens. A lot of people who do this would think of themselves as people who aren't toxic because they don't flame their teammates and feel righteous about that, but I think in terms of how it affects the team environment it's possibly even more toxic than a negative comment towards someone's gameplay.

The people who escalate these situations seem to think that people can't have valid reasons to feel slighted over gameplay. I think this is an unrealistic view. People commit a lot of time, energy, and focus to play Dota. It's natural that people will get frustrated and that frustration will boil over at times (for most people at least. if you don't then props to you). Obviously a lot of people playing Dota are outside the bounds of normal levels of frustration over a video game, high investment or not, and people should strive to not let their frustrations get a hold of them. At the same time, I think people should also understand that reacting negatively any time someone vents their natural frustrations is going to result in making things worse and makes you partially culpable to the even more toxic environment that results from escalating a conflict.

My advice is that, maybe we should not immediately assume the worst about everyone who makes a negative comment towards someone in chat. Try to deescalate the situation in a constructive way because it's the only method that has a chance at improving the situation. You won't get anything for escalating the conflict no matter how right you may be. You might be surprised at how people will react to understanding and forgiveness. Ofc if someone can't be reached after a simple apology, you should mute and move on, but maybe we can make the community a better place by having more empathy and a nuanced understanding of why there's such a high propensity towards toxicity in pub games.