Tarkov always kills my mood

I do this every 2 days after recovering from a loss. I enter the game feeling fine, playing Scav runs until I get a decent weapon and armor for my PMC for nerly an hour between scav cooldowns because I have nothing on my stash and for me is not worth spending roubles in the PACA+SKS set anymore simply because shooting a whole mag on a dude wont make a dent on them while their gun just hits me 2 times in the chest and there goes my money. I usually get into Customs with a level 4 armor+peen helmet and a lightly modded ADAR/AK. Once I'm in raid I usually kill some scavs and fill my bag with garbage because I'm too scared of going to red zones and be one-tapped by a level +30 player. Aproaching the end of my journey I'm presented with 3 scenarios:

1. I get one-tapped by an exfil camper hidding in a bush or a dark spot.
2. I hear a grenade hitting the floor and then back to the main menu.
3. I get Killed easily by a geared player on their way to the same exfil I was heading to.

After two and a half years of buying this game I bearily do any progress and end up leaving it aside at level 9 or below because I can't deal with the bullshit the game throws at me constantly, at this point I'm practically forcing myself to play it because it hurts to pay +$40 for something I barely play. Yeah the mechanics, the graphics and the realism in this game are great but being constantly bullied to shreads is not something I enjoy. One part of me is writing this to let some steam out and the other is hoping for this message to get to the devs so we can get a more equal playing ground when it comes to match making.