What am I doing wrong?

Hello, Reddit. Prepare yourself for my 5000 word essay.

[I'M ONLY A SOLO PLAYER. ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. ALWAYS WILL BE.]

I've played tarkov for about 3 wipes now and I have about 1500 hours in total, but I cannot, under any circumstances win GEARED gunfights against other players. I have 3 item cases filled with high tier gear (level 5+ armors), good helmets, headsets, and even well kitted out guns in my several weapon cases. I have around 5 million rubles and a good chunk of euros and dollars, yet I just don't seem like I have "beat" the game, even though I feel like I know just about everything there is to know. I know all the maps, all the extracts, all the player spawns, etc.

I cannot win gunfights. I understand almost everything about this game, but I NEVER win fights with gear. I understand that this game isn't like call of duty, it's more of a placement and strategy game sortofish. When I bring in gear, the most ridiculous deaths happen. People are always in the right place at the right time ONLY when I am fully stacked with good gear and a really nice weapon. (the gear doesn't really matter, because everytime I die it's to a faceshot).

I change my playstyle depending on the situation and my position. Sometimes I run, sometimes I walk. I hardly EVER get shot in the back. 99% of the time the person I die to is in front of me. Most of, if not all of the time, it's a face shot that kills me, rendering my higher tier helmet and armor useless. I understand ammo, penetration, and armor, so I know that this time in the wipe chances are the armor I'm using isn't going to be THAT effective against higher pen ammo that everyone is using. But it's just the principle. I am simply donating my unscathed gear to the player.

When I'm geared, I can win fights by crouch walking at the lowest speed and get the jump on people while they're looting. But what fun is that? Anyone could do that, plus the amount of time it takes to get from point A to point B by crouch walking at the lowest speed is atrocious. However, I have come to note that I DO survive in raids where I move EXTREMELY SLOW. As in take the entire game time to move from one side of the map to the other. Extremely slow, as in not pressing shift a single time all raid. I hear one sound, I stop moving and watch that direction for about 2 minutes. But that's ridiculous. I'm not trying to spend 40ish minutes EVERY SINGLE RAID.

You might be asking yourself, if I can't win geared gunfights, how do I have all this gear? Well, when I get on a long unlucky dying streak, I simply run in with ONLY a headset and an unmodded gun (depending on how i'm feeling, maybe a 5.45×39 AK, a baby mosin, or a KS23M). This is where my situation gets weird. I absolutely SLAY geared players with these naked kits. This time, I'm the one doing the headshotting. I do not have a problem AT ALL when I take the bare minimum in. In fact, I feel like gunshots are just dinnerbells calling my name. The same goes for scav runs, I almost always come out with a PMC kit. I run everywhere I go. I'm super loud. I am the bully and the map is my playground.

Perhaps it's gear fear? But what I don't understand is WHY. I have gear. I have money. If I die, I can just make another kit. Or do another naked run. I do not have a problem with bringing in several kits in a row. As a geared PMC, I'll bring in 3-4 geared kits and lose each and every one of them in a row. When I hear a group of PMCS running up on me, I simply accept death and stop caring. I normally take at least one out, but I always die to the other players. This is fine, they have the numbers, numbers always win, etc etc etc. That's not my problem.

I love this game because of the inventory management system and how the economy works, but I can't really make use of it because I just hoard every good item of gear. If I bring in the good stuff, I'll just die with it. So why keep it if I'm going to die with it or I'm never going to use it? I always just end up selling it. But now I've reached the end of my journey. My hideout is fully furnished and I can't use the money on anything other than gear.

I'm not just garbage at video games. All of my free time is dedicated to playing games and in most games, I understand how the game works and excel in PVP rather quickly. This game is the anomoly. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. So, people of reddit, do you have any advice? Please. Help me. I feel as if I have beat every game I own except this one and that exact reason is why I keep coming back for more.